48: The call for Holiness for married people

For Married people there is a "call for Holiness"; but a "call" means that in married life there is a time spent "before the call" and another "after the call".

We all know that holiness can be achieved through all forms of life: being single, married, priest, consecrated (monk, religious, …). By the Grace of Jesus, all forms of life can be transformed into means to achieve holiness. In saying that, we refer to the Council Vatican II, more precisely to chapter V of the Document called: “Lumen Gentium” (see here): “The universal CALL to holiness in the Church”. Here are some quotes:

“in the Church, everyone whether belonging to the hierarchy, or being cared for by it, is called to holiness, according to the saying of the Apostle: "For this is the will of God, your sanctification".” (LG 39)

“The followers of Christ are called by God, not because of their works, but according to His own purpose and grace. They are justified in the Lord Jesus, because in the baptism of faith they truly become sons of God and sharers in the divine nature. In this way they are really made holy. Then too, by God's gift, they must hold on to and complete in their lives this holiness they have received.” (LG 40)

“it is evident to everyone, that all the faithful of Christ of whatever rank or status, are called to the fullness of the Christian life and to the perfection of charity” (LG 40)

As a consequence: “all the faithful of Christ are invited to strive for the holiness and perfection of their own proper state. Indeed they have an obligation to so strive” (LG 42)

A Call is a Call

Recently I was pondering on the issue of the “obligation to strive for holiness” and noticed that, very easily, the “call” can be transformed into a natural “obligation” for all. The difference between a unique “supernatural call” from Christ to a specific person, and an "obligation for all Baptised people", is huge and should be explained.

As you can see, the word “call” is used various times in the quotes. We, obviously, have the same expression in all other documents of the Church (ordinary teaching of the Popes and the Bishops, the Catechism,…).

Let us first consider the reality of the “Call to holiness”, all its aspects and implications:

1- The call has a goal: to start the journey toward holiness is something.

2- A “call” is a grace. A “grace” is by definition “free”, and depends totally on the freedom of God.

3- It is a grace received at a certain point in our life (not before), according to the wisdom of God, and in the form and intensity His wisdom sees and decides. Placed in time.

4- The “call” involves Jesus Himself, directly, personally.

5- The “call” means that Jesus has the priority and the initiative in calling us: as He says in the Gospel: I called you, you didn't invite yourself.

6- The “call” involves the direct, efficient and transformative Action of the Holy Spirit.

7- It involves, at the receiving end, from the faithful the following acts: sitting down, listening, pondering, discerning, responding to this Call/grace, using the means involved in this call, in order to be able to respond to it on the long term.

Baptism: The normal call, for instance to priesthood or to religious life, means that the person was first baptised, confirmed... had a “normal active christian life”... then, at a certain point in their life, they heard this “Call” from Jesus. (Sometimes the “call” grows progressively like a gentle dawn. But it is still a personal “call” from Jesus.)

Marriage: In a parallel way, we may say that a married couple receives the Sacrament of Marriage and lives with it normally. Then, I do believe that for the couple as well, they can receive the “call” for holiness, either early in their married life, or later... often one of the members of the couple (husband or wife), rarely both (it would be a huge grace).

As you can see the “call” is not something “automatic”, or "spontaneous", or “done at will”, even if we are baptised and are supposed to strive to holiness. Being baptised doesn't necessarily mean that we heard Jesus' Call or that we hear it every day. Baptism can be neglected, as a dormant seed in the earth of our being, waiting for the “right moment” to wake up.

What I would like to point out to is that when we say that “marriage is a way for holiness”, we might sort of forget all the dynamics of the “Call”. In fact, before a certain moment in their life, the married couple doesn't necessarily have that call (both, or each separately). Potentially it is there, included within the sacrament (of Marriage), like it is the case for the Sacrament of Baptism, but it is there “dormant”, waiting for Jesus' visit to the couple or to one of them. In one word: the married couple needs to receive/hear the “call” for holiness, and, in the mean time, they might have things to achieve before being able to “hear” the call.

“all are called to Holiness”: in fact, we can understand that statement in two ways at least:

1- Either: “there is a call that all will receive one day”. The “call” is potentially present, but activated only at a certain point in time.

2- Or: “all are already in a journey that leads to holiness”. It means: being married is a way for holiness. The “call” is actively present from day one (baptism, marriage).

There is a big big difference between the two, even if that for many persons the two are not opposed. What might be “new” to many of us is to become aware that: before, during or after marrying, we'll receive a “call for Holiness”. So we need to be prepared for it.

It is not because we are married, that we are supposed (without a “call”) to reach holiness. We need to “hear the call”, we need to discern the “call”.

You might object: - does this means that many couples, married in the Church, can just stay married in a state of apathy, without doing anything for their holiness? Does this make, within married people, two categories?

- Well, theoretically and mostly practically: “yes”. We are all baptised, but not all of us did receive a direct personal call to holiness. Do you see what I mean?

It is not because I am baptised that I am supposed to be on my way for holiness. No. On the contrary. One day, I will receive the call for holiness, the call to follow Jesus.

Notice: all my life before the call is not empty or without meaning. It is just a different life that deserves all its respect and requires as well from us to do many things. Before receiving the call for holiness there is a call for maturity, a preparation. Remember the rich young man. When he meets Jesus, he asks him: “what am I supposed to do in order to reach eternal life (instead of “eternal life” you may put: “holiness”, “perfection”)?” In His reply, Jesus didn't start mentioning “holiness”! On the contrary, He wanted to ensure that the foundations of this person are sound; so He said to him: did you fulfil Moses Commandments? In these commandments we have all the foundations of human life. Among the 10 Commandments one can extract the duties of the husband and wife within Marriage.

This doesn't mean YET that, by receiving the Sacrament of Marriage, there is a “call” for holiness. First things first. Shocking maybe, for many, but true. Jesus didn't start to speak about holiness. He said: “did you fulfil Moses commandments?”. We perfectly know that these commandments are not the call for holiness/perfection. They are the foundation.

In the series of Signs of the Journey that leads us to the Union with Jesus, saint John doesn't start with holiness. He starts by offering us Mary, the New Even, Mother of our Faith (John 2), then he shows us how Jesus heals the son of a man (and indirectly the man himself) (John 4), then Jesus heals a paralysed man who doesn't have any friend in the world, and can't do anything in his life (John 5). So Jesus works first on 1- Our Roots 2- our close relationships (son, father, partner..) 3- our work, action in the world..

It is only after these fundamental steps that Jesus starts to do greater things, call us, and make us “cross the Sea” (John 6).

I hope you can see the difference between these steps in spiritual life and what the “call for holiness” means and involves.

47: How to make use of the Sacrament of Marriage?

The two sides of a Sacrament

Any sacrament has two aspects in it: the “objective” grace of the sacrament, and the “subjective” one. They are both operative within the human being who receives the sacrament, but they operate differently. The “objective” one is the core of the sacrament, what constitutes it. The “subjective” grace is the capacity in us to handle the “objective” one. Let me explain that aspect with an example. Don’t be surprised since I’ll take the example of Priesthood, the Sacrament of the Order, it just helps us “see” better the double aspect.

When a baptised human being is ordained priest, he receives two graces of different types:

1- one is the “seal of Priesthood”, which is Jesus’ objective and active presence in him, Jesus as the “head of the Church”, the “Leader of the Community”: it is a service to his brothers and sisters.

2- the other one is the “grace of Priesthood”, a specific grace that helps the Priest, in his weakness, handle the weight of this "active Presence of Jesus in him", and bare fruits.

Remember that the Presence of Jesus in the Priest is unique for it allows him to act “in the Person of Christ”: Celebrate Mass, consecrate the bread and wine (by repeating Jesus’ words) into the Body and Blood of Jesus, lead the Community, give the Absolution from sins in the sacrament of Reconciliation and manifest in a more specific way the Presence of Jesus-Priest amongst us.

This "active Presence of Jesus" in the Priest is something much higher/bigger/heavier than the normal human capacity (the natural side of the man who is a priest). Therefore, in order to carry it, and perform his tasks in a well-fashioned manner, the Priest needs to be able to handle this “divine weight”.

To a degree, we can say that the person of the Priest has two sides, or two “beings”:

1- one is his “divine” side: the Sacramental Presence of Christ-Priest in him, head and leader of the Community;

2- the second is the “human side”, the way he lives and handles his Priesthood. The presence of a specific Grace in his human nature helps him handle the “weight” of this Presence of Jesus in him. This specific grace is given jointly with his Priesthood. The ordination in fact (like any sacrament, including Marriage) is a double grace. God gives all together “a Gift” and “the power to handle this gift” (to hold it, to manage it).

We often focus our attention on the greatness of the Priesthood and we forget that this greatness is put in a normal person, a weak human being, that needs help to handle this greatness. The greater the Gift, the greater the graces given to help handle it. God's gifts are holy and they require holiness to be able to handle them. The Gift comes with the necessary help to become, step by step, holy in order to handle the Gift.

When we look at a Priest - any Priest - with the eyes of faith, we need to remember these two sides/aspects in him. When a Priest “looks” at himself “in a mirror”, he “sees” these two sides in himself.

Therefore, it is not enough to focus only on the Presence of Christ in the Priest (the Seal of Priesthood), since it can lead us/him to forget all the personal work he has to do in order to be able to receive the grace that help him handle the Grace of his Priesthood. This grace will lead him to the necessary and specific holiness he needs in his call to Priesthood.

I would say that the Sacrament of Marriage has as well these two aspects in it. I call them, with a little exaggeration: the “divine side” and the “human side” of the sacrament (any sacrament). Forgive the exaggeration, and please try to see why I am using it. I am not splitting the atom, or splitting the sacrament, on the contrary I underline all the human responsibility in order to handle the sacrament. God doesn’t give us a great sacrament (each sacrament is great) and leaves us with it to deal with it. We would be helpless… holding with “weak” hands a very precious Gift.

We have everything in the Sacrament of Baptism (the central sacrament of our life): through it we receive all the Life of the Trinity in us. It is like a Divine Seed, and we are supposed to make it grow. But we hardly hear about the second (“subjective”) aspect of the Sacrament, that deals with the “human side” of it: the specific grace that God gives us in order to help us feed this Divine Seed in us, and take care of it, until it reaches fruition.

Sacrament of Marriage

I am sure that, by now, you can visualize, in a better way, the Sacrament of Marriage. On one hand, God puts this “Fountain” of graces at the reach of the hand of the spouses, and on the other hand He gives them the needed help to “handle” this “Fountain”, to draw from it everyday. (see this Blog, that speaks about the Fountain)

One has to learn how to “use” the sacrament, and how to do so on a daily basis.

This brings us to what I want to say: “look at the Fountain, and look as well to the Grace that helps you make use of the Fountain”.

God doesn’t leave the couple, in their marital life, alone without help. Within the Sacrament, God gives a grace to help the couple remain alive, capable constantly to rely on the Grace of God they find in the Fountain.

Therefore it is important to acknowledge the fact that God offers us His Help in order to make use of the Grace of the Sacrament.

Let us take one example: if the couple doesn’t learn to pray together on a daily basis in order to ask for the Grace of God and learn to rely on it, if the couple doesn’t draw from the Fountain God made available to them, they’ll end up by looking similar to any other marriage. Because of our weakness and lack of spiritual transformation, it is much harder to deal with the “burden” of Marriage. Indeed it becomes a “burden” instead of a “help”, a “stimulus” in our way toward holiness.

Marriage is a real way toward holiness. For this reason God is ready to give all the needed graces to the couple, to their family (children), in order to reach holiness.

I hope you start to see the dynamic aspect of Christian Marriage.

“Ask and you shall receive.”

“Ask” is the grace that helps the human side of the Sacrament.

“and you shall receive” is the Grace of the Sacrament itself.

Very often we have the Fountain at the reach of the hand, but we don’t activate the grace of “asking” in order to Receive Water from the Fountain. “Asking” is a simple basic grace given to any human person who received a Sacrament.

The Sacrament is still alive, like a new Fountain installed in the middle of our inner Garden. The Spring is capable of giving water, but we need to draw from it. It becomes then operative, dynamic, in us. 

45: The Foundations of the Sacrament of Marriage

Marriage is the “incarnation” of something greater and more secure than itself. This is why for us Catholics, marriage is indissoluble (there is no divorce).

Marriage is not an end in itself, it is based on something else: based on the relationship between Christ and his Church, his Bride. We don’t pride ourselves in believing in the “indissolubility” of Marriage. No, we pride ourselves in accepting that we are weak and that God offered us a very powerful help (the Sacrament), and that He is the foundation of our Marriage. We rely on Him, on that “thing” that is greater than us. What is it?

Let us come back to a fundamental teaching we find in the New Testament: the “Total Christ”. What is the “Total Christ”? The Total Christ is like a huge mystical person. He is one big Person. This person is composed by: the Head and the Body, one Total Christ.

The "Head of the Body", and the "Body of the Body".

We believe that “the Head” and “the Body” are united and can’t be separated. We also that they communicate  with each other in a totally transparent and powerful way.

We know that Christ, “the head of the Church” is “seated at the right hand of the Father”.

We know that “the Body of the Church” is here on earth (of course, it goes without saying that we do not exclude the dead and the Saints).

Our belief in “marriage” is based on another belief that precedes it; the profound and indissoluble link and the union  which exists between Jesus, up there, at the right hand of the Father, and His body, here on earth.

What does it mean?

It means that if you can’t “see”, explain, and contemplate the “link” between the Head and the Body, then you can’t really let the Grace of the Sacrament of Marriage flow, grow in you (both of you).

One tends to think that the Sacrament is received the day we get married and is there, like a static element in our life. On the contrary, the Sacrament is dynamic, the Sacrament is a fountain made available to the couple, and set in the reach of their hands so they can drink from it, get strength, light and inspiration from it.

But in order to get something from that “fountain”, we need to “see” it, to be familiarised with it, and learn to draw from it. 

So let us understand the foundations of Marriage, i.e. the real Big Marriage that precedes all marriages, the Marriage between the Head and the Body, and let us contemplate the powerful and indestructible link that exists between them. 

In order to do so, we need to “lift up our hearts”, lift them up to where Christ is, “seated at the right hand of the Father”. He is the Head of the Body. The Body is all of us humans, who lived in the past, live today and will live tomorrow, all of us loved by Jesus, the Only Begotten Son, who died out of love for each one of us in order to give him/her Divine Life.

Would you doubt that Jesus loves you? That Jesus is “for you”? That Jesus can’t fail you? How faithful Jesus is to you? The extent to which He would remain faithful to you? And what are the reasons that will “push” Him to remain faithful to you? The answers to these questions are the real foundations of the Sacrament of Marriage and of Jesus’ call to the couple to follow Him, hand in hand, and draw from Him their strength and their growth.

Lifting up your heart to Jesus, do you see Him seated at the right hand of the Father?

Lifting up your heart to Jesus, do you see Him present here on earth, suffering in each one of us, struggling to grow and reach His fullness in us?

Do you see what happened in your Baptism? Do you see what Jesus made for you, and how He actualised it for you in the Sacrament of Baptism?

For our Baptism, Jesus “married” each one of us, concretising what He made on the Cross.

Let us contemplate the powerful love of Jesus for each one of us. This love is a powerful river, that provides us with Divine Water. This Love is indestructible, it is the most solid union that exists after the Union/Unity between the Three August Persons of the Trinity, and the Union in Jesus between His Divine Nature and His Human Nature, in the unity of the One Person of the Second Person of the Trinity. Immediately, after these Unions, we have the Union between the Head and the Body of Jesus. This is the result of the Love of Jesus, the result of the Salvation that He realised for us in His Human Nature, fighting for us and loving us.

This love is offered not only in a personal way (like Baptism), it is offered to the Couple, so that both and each one of them can benefit from it “as a couple”, as a family.

The Trinity is like a family.

The Nazareth Family is one.

The Head and the Body of Christ are a “family”: the Head, the Body, and the Love/Link between them.

The day the couple receives the Sacrament of Marriage, they surrender their whole life into the Hands of Love; author of their lives, their call, their journey and their union. They allow God be first, in everything, and they promise they’ll work on maintaining that. This is why prayer, and praying together is fundamental for Christian Marriage. The day the couple receives the Sacrament of Marriage God sets a second Fountain, in the reach of their hands, so not only can they draw from it individually (this is the Fountain of Baptism), but they can draw from it “as a couple”.

In a very symbolic way this Fountain says a lot about Marriage

The Prayer of a Couple/Family

The Tradition and experience of the Church says that the prayer of a community is much stronger than the prayer of an individual. Even the Saints whose prayers are great in the eyes of God, perfectly knew how to be united daily with others in order to pray. “When two or three are united in My Name, I am amongst them” and their prayer is answered, always, because they united, with the bond of Love. 

The new community, this new family, this man and this woman, married now, they compose the basic and most powerful community, and remember dear friends: the prayer of that community is SO powerful.

This is why it is a duty for the couple to be open to life around them and to the action of God not only in their family but in their parish, in their country and in the world. The couple’s doors have to be opened so the rest of the world can benefit from their most powerful prayer.

If they entrust their prayer to the Mother of God, they will be able to see miracles around them.

Their UNION is transformed and expressed by their common prayer, daily.

May they constantly let their care extend to the world around them and offer their prayer to the needs, and if they commit in the Church, for something more specific on top of their only marriage, may they extend, daily, their prayers to these realities.

Let us pray for each other.