190- 'The World of Spiritual Life Opened Up For Me'

Testimony on Spiritual Life Teaching

By H.T.

My spiritual life was progressing quite happily. I had been blessed with a second conversion. Worldly things didn’t matter to me much anymore. Most of my attention was focused on our Lord. I sang (awfully made up) songs to our Lord and spoke to Him as though He was right by my side. I felt like I was walking on air most days. It was all going so well until a question popped into my mind.

Is this all?

Quite suddenly I saw myself standing on a vast plateau. It was a scary feeling. Where did I go from there? I felt a painful emptiness within me. I couldn’t sing anymore songs. Even the happiness had left me. I started to get worried because if this was it, how was this going to last me a lifetime? I suppose deep inside, I knew there had to be more! After all, if God is infinite then how can spiritual life be limited? The problem was I didn’t know how to find it. Or worse still I realised, what if I never found it?

When I asked a few religious, they didn’t understand what I was talking about and told me to keep praying. In the meantime, the questions would not stop nagging at me. I also struggled with the biggest fear that if that was all, whatever I already had with Christ would not be enough to sustain me. I needed more. I kept asking God, but nothing resulted. I talked a lot to God in my prayers. I offered Him my love, my life etc. I told Him how much He meant to me and how He must never let me get away from Him and so on. After so much talking for a long time, I felt one day that there wasn’t anything else I could say to Him that I hadn’t already said - so what else was needed? The only thing left to do was to stop talking, be still and quietly offered my heart (my love) to Him so He could read it all for Himself. My heart to His heart.

In fact, I started practising Prayer of the Heart without knowing what it was. I thought I was just being idle, down and disappointed so this quiet prayer wouldn’t be of much use. I still had no aim, no direction.

I read many books and even googled trying to search for more. I considered taking spiritual direction but I was hesitant about who to go to so I thought I should just wait. Another alternative I considered was to give up searching. Just be happy with what I had and that it would just have to go on like this for the rest of my life. Maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe I was living in fairyland. I was truly sad as I knew I would not have the strength to keep walking in His way without anything more to hope for ahead.

Then one day, God in His mercy answered my prayers through a friend who invited me to one of the Courses of the School of Mary. From the first few minutes into the class, I knew I had been led to the right place.There was indeed more and yes, it would certainly be enough to last me a lifetime and some. For the first time, I heard of Prayer of the Heart and had it explained to me. I learnt about the union with Christ and much more through the School of Mary and I knew that this is what I had been searching for. Finally, my questions were being answered - the world of spiritual life opened up for me. This finding has helped my spiritual life go forward. I was no longer aimless. I started practising being in the presence of God throughout the day everyday, I asked to hear well the Holy Spirit and to be in complete obedience to Him.

‘Where have You hidden Yourself,
And abandoned me in my groaning,
O my Beloved? You have fled like the hart,
Having wounded me. I ran after You, crying;
but You were gone.’
(St. John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticle, I)*

I used to say that death would be a comfort to me because I wanted to be with God and see Him face to face. For many years, I longed for death. Nothing in this world was good enough to keep me here. Nothing could comfort me more than the idea of death bringing me to Him.  I do still look forward to going to Him but the difference is - I am no longer waiting.

Why wait till death?  Why wait so long?  To be in union with Christ whilst on earth - this is the good news He came to give us. Our Lord says, ‘the kingdom of heaven is amongst you.’ In union with Him, our whole self and our inner and outer world are transformed. After all, how can it be possible for one to have the king and not the kingdom? Nothing else matters. As St. Paul said ‘… it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.’ I pray even as my body goes to sleep at night for my soul and spirit to stay with the Holy Spirit in worship and adoration. Now I do not just want death; I am praying and asking for a worthy death and what worthier death is there than the one which resulted through a tremendous exchange of love with Him?  But let God’s will be done. I have also learnt one thing recently – true love does not make demands of the beloved. It allows the Beloved to give as He wants.

Looking back, my love for God was rather immature and selfish. I loved all the wonderful consolations He gave but I wasn’t always willing to say ‘God’s will be done’.  On certain matters, if someone told me that, I would get quite annoyed. What if His will didn't agree with mine?! Through the classes at the School of Mary and learning about Union With ChristI started to reflect on my previous proclamations of love and offering to Him. How sincere were they if I was not willing for all His will to be done in my life? How can I hope to have union with Christ if I wasn’t willing to give up myself? As I am still a coward, I always ask that He be gentle with me and not test me too much because I am only fragile, but at least I am now willing to say, ‘Do with me as You will’ and mean it.  May He continue to work on me. For the moment, I just have to close my eyes and trust that He won’t test me more than I can bear and even then, He will always be by my side. Besides, the reality is His will is always done anyway so if I work with Him, I am on the winning side!  One thing is certain, compliance with His will gives one an internal freedom that man alone can never achieve.

All Christians (from all denominations) talk about union with Christ and quote St. Paul.  For most (me too, until I attended the School of Mary), it is only about walking with Him. They lack an understanding to push it further, because true union with Christ is a lot deeper than that. Union with Christ is why there are saints and there aren’t saints. Since sanctification is what we are all called for, this is an absolute necessity for all Christians to understand.

An aimless spiritual life, in my experience, is one of the saddest things in life. Since our God is both Infinite and Love, the only way forward for a Christian is to make a conscious effort of continuous growth in our love for Him leading to union. There can be no stopping in infinity or in love because the moment we stop, we go backwards.

It makes me wonder now - if two years being stuck on the plateau was enough to make me suffer, then how hard it must be for those who are stuck perhaps for a lifetime - and maybe they don’t even realise it. Many go to church day in and day out accepting that that is all there is. What a shame it is, what a waste of a lifetime, to not know there exists a spiritual life so rich, so abundant and so generously offered by Christ. This life on earth is a precious gift from God for us to unite ourselves with Him, to become divine as He is divine. Had He not breathed life into me, I wouldn’t even exist to have any opportunity to unite myself with Him. How precious it is, therefore!

This Great Friend, who laid down His life for His friends, has not bought our salvation only for us to receive it after death. His love is so great that He offers us a union with Himself in the present so that we can live with Him in His kingdom even whilst we are on earth. An offer that would reduce all the things in this world to nothing by comparison. We only have to reach out to receive - that is if we know about it.

H.T.

You can read the book that presents the whole Spiritual Journey (Please click here)

* The icon above is taken from the Icon of St. John of the Cross made by the Carmelite nuns in Lebanon.

Newsletter: Coming Courses in the School of Mary

Dear All,

We hope this post finds you well. We have some exciting announcements regarding some courses which will be taking place over the next months.

1. Bible & Spiritual Life Course

This is the intermediate course between the 1st level course, Initiation into Spiritual Life, and the 2nd level course. It will help to strengthen our knowledge and practice of Lectio Divina, which we gained in the 1st level course. The course is highly recommended!

This course will start on Sat 27th September and will continue on Sat 4th October, Sat 18th October and Sat 25th October. The venue is St Mary of the Angels Parish Hall, Moorhouse Rd, Notting Hill, W2 5DJ.

Spaces are limited and it is important to book!

Please open this link as it contains more information on the course including payment and contents of the course.

2. Lectio Divina and Prayer of the Heart Workshops

The School of Mary will run some workshops on Lectio Divina and Prayer of the Heart. These will be held on Sat 8th November, Sat 15th November, Sat 22nd November and Sat 6th December. We will provide more information on these soon.

3. 1st Level Course - Initiation to Spiritual Life

The Initiation into Spiritual Life course is being held on Mondays, starting on 6th October. The course will be from 10.00am to 12.15pm. The venue is St Mary of the Angels Parish Hall, Notting Hill. If you may know somebody who would be interested in attending, please ask them to contact us.

In Easter 2015, the course will be offered again but this time over 7 Saturdays. We will provide further details on this course before the end of the year.

4. 2nd Level Course

The 2nd level course will be held in Lent 2015 and will take place over 7 Saturdays. We will provide further details before the end of the year.

We look forward to seeing as many of you as possible at the Bible and Spiritual Life course. We could not recommend the course highly enough!

Please do contact us should you have any questions on the forthcoming courses.

In Mary

Leonora and Rufaro

Intermediate Course: “Bible and Daily Spiritual life”

“to my friend I say everything” (see John 15:15)

_____

Lecturer: Jean Khoury

September-October 2014 : 4 Saturdays

Since 2007 many people in London have been attending the First Level Course, "Initiation into Spiritual Life". As a result, many have been encouraged to use their Bible more fervently and to practise Lectio Divina. However, support is still needed as finding "food" in the Bible is not an easy task. This is why the "Intermediate 1 Course" is about deepening the relationship between the "Bible" and our "Spiritual Life": in a word, it aims at helping us view the Bible as the source of our daily nourishment.

What makes this course unique is, first, the choice of topics (important, "juicy" and rarely addressed topics) and, secondly, relating them to our Spiritual Life! As always, Our Lady continues to lead us on our journey.

A Certificate will be awarded to all those who attend the entire four days.

The dates are: Sat 27^th Sept, Sat 4th Oct, Sat 18th Oct, Sat 25th Oct, from 10.00 am to 4:30 pm. Venue: St Mary of the Angels Parish hall, Moorhouse Road, W2 5DJ, Notting Hill. Spaces are limited for this course. The cost is £ 25.00 per day. Should there be any places remaining, we can accept those who did not follow the First Level Course.

To secure your place, a non-refundable deposit of £ 50.00 should be paid by cheque or bank transfer. Please send an email or call to confirm payment. Email: schoolofmarylondon@gmail.com or call 07908513762.

The Topics are:

1st Saturday:

Structure and meaning of the Gospel in relation to our Spiritual Life.

Reading and analysing essential and fundamental texts from the Gospel in relation to our spiritual life.

2nd Saturday:

The relationship between the Theory of Inspiration of the Holy Scriptures and our spiritual life. Explanation of the action of God in the human author and its practical consequences for us.

The new prophetical life inaugurated by Jesus for every human being: God makes of us a friend and wants to talk to us.

The practical meaning and the fruitfulness of this new prophetism.

3rd Saturday:

Exegetical questions: the Holy Spirit Exegete of the Bible; the intelligence of the Scriptures in the Fathers of the Church; the example of the Fathers of the Church; the relationship between the Old Testament and the New Testament; exegetical Rules for our spiritual life.

The Bible is the soul of God's Revelation to us, and is a treasure whose riches we can draw upon on a daily basis. Practical advice.

4th Saturday:

Difficulties when confronting an archaic text, a different language and culture. What is to be done with "modern" exegesis?

The Bible: doubt, power, pleasure and possession.

Conclusions.

Looking forward to seeing you. Continuing the Journey toward Union with Jesus, lead by His Mother.

www.AmorVincit.com

111: Our Lady of Mount Carmel and the School of Mary

Our Lady of Mount Carmel is usually the patron feast of the Carmelites orders (Old observance and the Reformed). She is also the Patroness of all the persons who wear the brown Scapular. But at the same time, this feast is inscribed in the Universal Liturgical Calendar, so it is not a “private” feast for a particular religious order or a particular devotion. Mary seen as “Our Lady of Mount Carmel” is a side of Mary that belongs to the entire Church. Let us remember for instance that the last apparition of Our Lady of Lourdes was on the 16^th July, the Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel.

What is the meaning of Mary being “Our Lady of Mount Carmel” and what is the impact of this feast on the entire Church?

Let us see the Collect (first prayer in the Mass that the Priest says) of that day: “May the venerable intercession of the glorious Virgin Mary come to our aid, we pray, O Lord, so that, fortified by her protection, we may reach the mountain which is Christ. Who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.”

First and foremost we see that the Mountain - in “Mount Carmel” - symbolizes Christ himself. But this is not enough. Christ is presented in two forms in this prayer: as a goal and as a means. As a goal, the prayer says: “we may reach the (top of the) Mountain”. As a means, we know that Jesus is the way (“I am the way...”). So the central concept of that prayer is the ascent to reach the fullness of Christ... We climb until we reach the measure of Christ's height, as St Paul puts it in one of his letters (see Ephesians 4:13).

This central concept is the core of spiritual life: growth, transformation, sanctification (divinisation) until we reach union with Jesus, and fullness of Charity. As we see, the main concern of this feast is not Mary, but spiritual growth, allowing Christ to grow in us, and us in him, until we reach the fullness of the height of his love.

The prayer uses a very common expression to describe the role of Mary in the ascent: “the aid of the venerable intercession of the glorious Virgin Mary”.

The key point is that Mary first and foremost is “the glorious Virgin Mary”, she is the one who is dwelling at the height of Jesus Christ, united to him. She reached the fullness, she knows Him and loves him in the most perfect way (see Catechism: 148-149, 165, 273, 411, 466-469, 484-506-511, 529, 721-726, 773, 829, 963-967-975, 1014, 1172, 2617-2619, 2673-2676, 2679, 2682.).

But not only that, she also leads us, “shows us the Way” as Tradition says: Mary is Hodigitria (the one who shows the way, i.e. Jesus)) (see Catechism 2674). This is an amazing function: to lead somebody, in a pure, secure, direct and easy way, to the end of the journey (union with Jesus).

Mary, Mother of God, Hodigitria

- Not only that, but Mary offers her Scapular, which is her clothing, her habit. This act is in fact a very deep one: she offers us her eyes and her heart, so we can contemplate Jesus with her eyes, and love Jesus and our brothers (Jesus' body) with her heart (see the Preface of the Mass of Our Lady of Mount Carmel in the Carmelite Missal).

These few points show us in a very summarised way the fundamental elements of a true Christian spiritual life: defining the proper goal of spiritual life, and offering the most efficient way of reaching that Goal: Mary, gift of Jesus.

Let us remember – and this is the Gospel reading of the Feast in the Carmelite Lectionary – that this Feast acknowledges in a very powerful and clear way that Mary comes from Jesus and is his gift to us: see John 19 when Jesus on the Cross entrusts Mary to John as his spiritual mother and entrusts John to Mary as her son.

There is a less known devotional Mass to our Lady under the title of “Mother and Mistress of Spiritual Life”: see “The collection of Masses of the Blessed Virgin Mary”, Ordinary time: “The Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother and Teacher in the Spirit".

Our Lady, it may be said therefore, has wanted a School, The School of Mary, for the spiritual good of the Church, which would dedicate itself to teaching the Spiritual Life.. The School bears the same goals explained above: reminding all Christians that the goal of our Christian life is to reach Union with Christ (the top of the Mountain) and the fullness of His Love (coming down like Jesus to give our life to our brothers). The School of Mary is lead by Our Lady, “Teacher in the Spirit” (Magistra, Mistress). She knows the way to grow spiritually, she takes great care of us as we journey, and she does it in a secure way.

This is exactly what the School is all about: lead by Our Lady, to revive the treasures of spiritual life, and to offer them to all the persons receiving the call to follow Jesus in whatever state of life they belong to.

The main goal of the School is to allow Our Lady to appear, shine and act as the real Teacher, Guide, Master in spiritual life.

In the School, Jesus entrusts Mary as Teacher and Master to each “student” journeying toward Him.

Saint John of the Cross said that only faith can help us reach union. In the School we could say that only Mary's faith is the secure, short, easy, rapid way to reach union.

Mary's Faith is given to us. As we said: her eyes are given to us so we can use them to “see” Jesus. And her heart is given as well to us, so we can use it to love Jesus (Head and Body), not with our capacity but with Hers.

Note: At Lourdes, the last apparition of Our Lady was the 16th of July 1858, Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. She was silent said St Bernadette. She was the most beautiful. Beauty is essential in the Carmelite Spirituality. She is called "Queen and Beauty of Carmel." 
At Fatima, in the first apparition, Our Lady appeared as Our Lady of Mount Carmel!

109: A proven doctrine of acquiring perfection

The full vision of the School of Mary

Sometimes, when the Church authorities meet a Founder, who from day one, has the full picture of his foundation, they feel uncomfortable, because they are convinced that the normal way God uses is a steady process unfolding year by year, step by step, to clarify the Call and its implementation. The Mission God handles the Founder develops through time and this becomes clearer day by day, with “grace upon grace”.

Well today is not actually day one in the life of the School of Mary… many years have passed now (1984, 1992, 2003,... 2014), and one can re-state now what is the full vision, the way to implement it now and in the future.

The Meaning and Place of the Call for Holiness

In a traditional way, the Church deeply believes that the monastic and religious Orders in the Church are provided by God with means, wisdom, teaching, formation capacity, discernment to lead their members, in a secure masterful way, to the fullness of their vocation: Holiness (i.e. Union with Christ and the Perfection of Love): "These religious families give their members the support of [...] a proven doctrine of acquiring perfection." (Vat II, Lumen Gentium, 43)

Monks and religious are persons who received a call to follow Jesus more closely. That call, with the passing of centuries, developed various forms of life and rules, but the core of it remains: a call for Holiness. Does this “personal Call” from Jesus constitute something different from Baptism? Is it for “special people” chosen from the “doomed crowd”? Thank God no, thank God Theology and the Council of Vatican II helps us remember that this call is for all (could happen to any person) and that it proceeds from Baptism, like in a renewed depth of it, a blossoming aspect of it.

But it is still a “Call”, i.e. a very personal initiative (in time and place) from Jesus to a specific person. It is not suspended in mid air for everybody. There is a moment in the life of every human being where Jesus comes, and knocks in a more audible way at the door of his/her heart. So, in the end, “a call is a call”.

The Church knows very well that the initial formation before baptism and after baptism doesn’t deal directly with the elements of the Ways to Reach Perfection but with the foundations of Christian faith and Christian prayer. The Church knows the difference between, on one hand that first grace of Baptism and all the formation that comes with it (before and after), and on the other hand that “Call within the Call”, that “second conversion” i.e. hearing Jesus calling me personally to follow him.

It is not another baptism, it is not another vocation, it is a deepening of the same vocation, of Baptism. Just as when the human being starts to enter into adolescence. One's peaceful life changes, and one notices blossoming in him new things/capacities/horizons and one has to learn to deal with them.

The first stage (Baptismal formation and normal catechesis) can last for years, and its central place remains the Parish. The second stage, happens when Jesus freely and personally comes and knocks at the door of our heart. It is a call like the Call St Anthony received one day in his parish, to leave it and go to the Desert and start to be trained as a Monk, as a researcher of God, a man that incarnates the “Quest for God alone”.

The Priestly Branch of the Church is the Parish and the Prophetical one is the Desert. The “Quest of the Desert” will take shape in a hermitage, a monastery, a convent, a consecration in the world, and more recently a movement in the Church.

We shouldn’t forget that it is not the habit that makes the monk, not the consecration that makes him a monk, and not just even following a certain Rule or Style of Life (Horarium). What makes a monk a monk, or what makes a human being enter into the state of the “Quest for God alone” is the formation he or she receives, that secure and masterful Wisdom, Discernment and Teaching one receives.

The Call is Universal

Today the emphasis is put in a renewed way on the Call for Holiness. This is a grace for the entire church to rediscover that call and that that call is for all. But the inner journey is, in its main components, the same. Why? Because we are all human beings and we all need to be purified, transformed, and become Jesus' friends. We shouldn’t forget that in order to fulfil that call (providing we have heard it), we need to receive that combined Wisdom, Discernment and Teaching that God deposited in the Church, in order to reach that goal: Holiness (Union with Jesus and Fullness of Love).

We need to stop dreaming and imagining that it is just by praying a little bit and fasting that we will become saints. We need to stop dreaming that the Sacraments will operate anyway, if we just do that. This is against the Tradition and the experience of the Church.

The School of Mary

The School of Mary received the Mission to open the treasures of Wisdom, Discernment and Teaching that are enclosed in the Prophetical branch of the Church to all the persons who feel they have received the Call to follow Jesus more closely. Nothing more, and nothing less. It is in a way like opening the Novitiate Room to all the persons in the world who feel Jesus’ Call.

- Now, who you are when you are in the Novitiate Room? What do you need then? What do you also deserve to receive from God, through the Church? What will happen to you?

- You are a person who felt Jesus’ call to follow him more closely and reach the fullness of Him.

You need to receive the necessary formation, throughout your journey of growth, in order to reach the Goal.

You deserve to receive all the Treasures that Jesus deposited in the Prophetical branch of the Church. They are yours as well… because you received the same call as others: the Quest for God alone.

If you start to apply that wisdom, discernment, teaching, you will start to receive “grace after grace” and you will start to be purified and transformed in Jesus. You will learn new things, new ways of prayer, deepening your ways of prayer, which will boost your growth. Therefore you will need guidance and new food (teaching).

This is what the School of Mary humbly wants to offer

The Spiritual Journey has been divided into three parts, that follow three different curves/stages in spiritual life. The different “chunks” are not equal in length (of time), but they are equal in importance.

The first stage lays the foundations of a solid “take off” of Spiritual Life. One learns how to walk, run, jump, with two legs: Lectio Divina and Prayer of the Heart (extension of the reception of the Word of God in the Mass and of his Body and Blood).

The Second stage goes into the deep purification that God wants to realise in us.

The Third stage shows us how the Apostle is sent on a mission, Jesus living in him, and he himself completing in his flesh what is lacking in Jesus’ Passion for the world.

Please visit: www.amorvincit.com